Personal Triumphs in Food

Humming Bird Birthday Cake

Banana Maple Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Florentine Shells & Cheese with "Chicken" Meatballs

Collards Stuffed with Red Beans & Rice

Lemon Sponge Cake

Star-struck

<--- Chef Tal Ronnen! Alrighty, so I am convinced I look like a complete goober in this photo, but I'm too jazzed about meeting Chef Tal to care. Tuesday, I took off work (quite possibly the 3rd best decision of my life) to go see Chef Tal's demo at Whole Foods and to get his book, The Conscious Cook, signed. Well ladies and gents, I'm not one who has ever really been a "fan" of anything. And I'm always fascinated by how serious some people take sports. Now, I get it! Once I saw Chef Tal, I became so giddy and unexpectedly excited. While, I was thrilled to be going from the start, I had no idea I would lose composure in such a manner. I definitely lost at least 5 years of maturity for that brief half hour. By all accounts, I'd say Chef Tal seems like a very humble, down-to-earth type guy. He was soft spoken and actually came off a bit shy. Thank goodness! Because I became a complete invert in his precense. But anywho, I really dug his vibes. He was nothing like some of those those anal, preachy vegans. He was quite gracious, in fact. In short, I was impressed. The whole experience was really reassuring. If there was any doubt in my mind that becoming a chef is "the dream", it ended Tuesday. I'd guess that getting so utterly wound up like that is fairly significant, right? It must mean that my passion's pointed in the proper direction. So here's to the journey!

"Certainty"

From time to time I question my faith in my own personal morals and life choices, as I'm sure we all do. Actually, I HOPE we all do. I can't think of anything more dangerous than blind faith. To the point- this past week has been a nervous one of sorts for me. And to that extent I've been questioning my diet (my life) and my career aspirations. Please don't mistake, I have never been as proud of anything else I've accomplished than becoming a vegan. It's something I came to completely on my own and I've never believed in anything else so strongly. However, it can be wearisome. I'm a Midwest vegan and I feel detached from nearly everyone around me. "The family that eats together, stays together." But sometimes, if you don't eat together, you never get together. Thus, many of my relationships end before they start. And true to my slightly extremest personality, veganism is something I dove into head first. It's not only what I eat, but also who I am. It's not a collection of meal choices, but a lifestyle. Hence, the gap between me and typical Midwest society extends even further. And sometimes I just want to be like everyone else. I want to throw it all away and just relate already! Because I'm only an admirer for so many things and people with such beauty and substance because they don't mesh with "vegan". I question if it's worth all the good I believe I'm doing to be seemingly so far from everyone, so disconnected. And my compromising nature tells to me sacrifice. Give it all up for them/him/her/it/us. There's so many combinations and so many closed doors. Becoming a vegan expanded my horizons, but my world got so much smaller. I gave up so much more than food types. I gave up a tremendous amount of possibility and I didn't realize that's what I was choosing at the time. And obviously, at times (like these), it's not the easiest decision for me to live with. But I stick with it. And with a quick mirrored glance at my right shoulder, I see my ink-stained mark of pride. A personal little hats off to myself. And I'm once again sure of who I am. And though I'm sure I will often feel like nothing more than a lonely little vegan, I stumbled upon a quote to drag me through that muck of my own insecurities when necessary. "I think for the most part, if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you" - Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother).

Help Wanted

Monday, a job ad was forwarded to me by a person I considered newly estranged to my life. But, ah, how things have a way of sticking... Ironically, it is exactly what I looking for. A part-time position/internship at a local vegetarian restaurant. A place where I can learn and build a resume. Still, the pairing of the notifier and notification in this story made me stop to consider how something can be what you so strongly desire and also be completely wrong for you. Thus, the fear creeps in and I find myself gun shy before I've even begun. I want to cook. I love being around food- it's near an obsessive point. There's not much more relaxing than mixing batter and certainly nothing more gratifying than appeasing the mouths of many with richly sweet goodness. Being a chef (most likely a pastry chef) would be wonderful; it's the dream. But I am so so nervous that I won't find success in the field. And worse than that, I'll waste time pursuing such an aspiration. To leave such a secure career like the military to enter the restaurant biz will be the biggest leap of faith I will take in my life. Needless to say, I'm freaked. And tempted to sell out for that business degree and a stable future. And while I was struggling to embrace the reality of possibly being a "starving" chef, a friend told me something quite poetic in its own way. His words were, "No, you'll make good money doing what you'll love." And I just felt in the moment that he was absolutely right. Follow the passion and the money will come. And even if the money never comes in dollar form, what's worth more than the fulfillment of doing what you love?

Single Toothbrush

Initially, I wasn't too fond of the word "single" in this blog post's title. So true to form, I zipped on over to Dictionary.com to borrow some of the thesaurus' vocabulary. But instead of finding a synonym that really stuck me, I actually had to pause at one of the definitions. Which is:


Financial Dictionary

Single definition
The filing status used by a taxpayer who is unmarried and does not qualify for any other filing status.


Hmm...and this is the first listed definition ladies and gentlemen. It all comes down to money- the almighty dollar. And well, I'm not surprised. I experienced this first-hand while filling out my divorce paperwork. It's so strange. When you're young (at least us girls) dream about meeting the prince, falling in love, and so on and so forth and living happily ever after. But when you get a divorce, no one asks about the love. Or about the heart of it all. It's all business. Simple, cut and dry, unemotional business. Who gets what; who wants wants; who goes where. And I wouldn't begin to argue with this. In truth, marriage is simply the merging (and unfortunately, sometimes the division) of assets. It's a commitment and a safety net. A union of logic and love. And it almost feels like neither of those pairs really fit together.

So with another love lost- it's no more his and her sinks. Now yours and mine. And nearly everyday I give a long, hard look to that one, single toothbrush- giving consideration to all it means. And while I celebrate the independence declared in a word like "single", I also grieve the loneliness implied with it.

Funnily enough, my intentions were to write a more chipper blog post. If not for that definition, I believe I would have. So it really make you (or perhaps, just me) ponder at what's in a word...