Creature of Habit

I would like to believe- no, actually I know that I've come a long way in my life. This past Thursday, I turned twenty-one. Finally an adult in our legal system's eyes. And for a twenty-one year old, I believe I'm ahead of the curb in maturity and responsibility and sensibility. I swear those are more than just my own thoughts- it's a fairly common review. I've made a lot of tough choices within my short time on this earth and I've dealt with the consequences of every one of those choices, for better or worse, all on my own. Growing up far too fast is a tragedy I am in many ways thankful for. It made me, me- the strong, extremely independent little lad I am today. Believe me, I'm as insecure as any young woman, but in most aspects I take a great deal of pride in all that I am. Still, with all the positive steps Ive taken toward the future I think I'll always want, I find myself getting in my own way in the same old ways I always have. And I'll repeat those slightly destructive behaviors. Like doing in excess and texting the Ex. Sometimes it feels that for the life of me I just can't respect the lines I draw for myself. And I compromise too much and I make excuses for people who hurt me. And maybe that's a self-esteem issue I need to address personally. Now, in yet another state of personal doubt in which I'm questioning how much progress I've actually made, I resolve to simply push forward. What else could asked of one little lad? Although I'm tempted to fly off the handle with brash behavior and give into my desire for an easier day to day by living as Sharon Stone would recommend, shamelessly, I'll stay the course. Because I'm no Sharon Stone and I wouldn't know who I am if I wasn't exactly how I am. As for those pesky vices, here's to endless attempts to permanent change. I'd like to think, no I know that that's a major part of what makes me me- I refuse to give up.