Knowing When to Fold 'em

When I was young (or younger) a family court judge told me, “…friends come and go.” Sad and true. When you’re little and nestled in your cozy family home, life seems safe and perpetual. Then along comes adolescence and you’re introduced to heartbreak. Your world ends and then continues and ends again and then somehow continues once more. Eventually, you learn that change is normal and unavoidable and you accept it…for the most part. Today I glance around my newly re-entered office to see quite the laundry list. My first week back awoke quite a variety of emotions in me. I see before me an uncomfortably lengthy series of burned bridges and estranged persons. And though I also see many familiar friendly faces, I can’t help but step back to scrutinize the choices I’ve made and responses I’ve chosen in the past year and some change. I cannot deny that I’ve misjudged and cut ties prematurely. Luckily, many have been amended. And I try to believe that those not amended are relationships I'm better off without. It's funny how fragile friendship is. Relationships begin and end so abruptly. And of course, they always start out great. I'd say that's the danger. If everything starts perfectly, it's easy to be in denial of the end. Thus, my eternal struggle: knowing when to let go. Knowing what, or rather, who is best for yourself seems almost as hard as choosing who/what is best for yourself. It's probably an American characteristic, but I'm passionate and compulsive and I want what I want. And so I often struggle to walk away. I imagine Ol' Blue Eyes would concur, once you've got them under your skin- they're under your skin. So here I sit- one week down and clinging to the belief that everything happens for a reason and all is exactly how it should be. And hoping that this cosmic order makes the right choices for me because, presently, I don't quite trust myself with that responsibility. And perhaps, I'll take up playing cards and practice cutting my losses.